The Ghost Diaries: Episode V

An original comedy horror serial

A ghost’s afterlife is turned upside down when an obnoxious family moves into his haunted house. Their presence quickly brings his worst nightmare to life — people who refused to be scared of ghosts.

The Ghost Diaries is a comedy horror story told through diary entries. It’s set in Deer Falls — the same small Colorado town featured in my stories Snow Dragon, Pandora Reborn, and The Crimson Reaper. This first episode of this serial is free to all Strange New Worlds subscribers. The entire eight-episode serial will be available exclusively to paid subscribers of Strange New Worlds and paid subscribers of my Patreon page.

I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII

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June 7 —

Two days of brainstorming and planning didn’t make an ounce of difference in ridding myself of my unwanted tenants. The Farmers continue to feel right at home in my house. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m losing what’s left of my sanity trying to cope with their obnoxious presence.

Mallory’s book has done absolutely nothing to remedy the situation. Whichever ghostwriters wrote that guide need to be banished to a lake of fire and brimstone for an eon or two.

My frustration over terrible haunting advice came to a head shortly after sunset.

The guide suggested I lure my intended haunting targets into a darkened basement. Once they were stuck down there, I should play up the natural spookiness of my surroundings. Rattle pipes. Unleash unearthly moans and whispers. Sounded a bit simplistic and cliched to me when I first read over that chapter. I gave what it said a shot anyway, hoping a different play outside my normal ghost playbook might yield better results.

I selected Daisy and Rusty as my targets. They incurred my wrath earlier in the day for destroying a backyard chokecherry tree.

One of their cats, Poe, got stuck on a higher branch of one tree and refused to come back down. He planted himself on the branch and sat there wide-eyed while letting out one distressed meow after another. Most people would climb a ladder to retrieve the cat and set his paws on solid ground again.

Not so with Daisy.

She came up with a not-so-bright idea of scaling a gnarled neighboring chokecherry tree to reach the trapped cat. The trunk bent at an angle from the stress of past snow accumulation and the topmost branches dipped toward backyard grass. Daisy latched onto a branch from a different tree above her head and slid her feet along the gnarled tree’s narrow trunk. Poe urged her forward with his incessant meowing.

Daisy lost her balance when the branch she held snapped in her hands. She tumbled off the gnarled trunk and landed on her side in the grass.

“Stupid tree!” Daisy shouted.

The little girl scrambled to her feet and ran off toward the house, holding her elbow and sobbing. She went inside and Rusty emerged a while later with a chainsaw. He fired it up and promptly cut down the tree where Daisy lost her footing.

Rusty used a ladder to finally extract Poe from the other tree. But the damage was already done. A tree had been cut down in the prime of its life.

 I rigged the basement door to slam shut and lock, thus trapping my haunting targets after they entered the basement. With silent glee, I waited for the sun to dip below the horizon. Absent sunlight promised to crank up the spook factor tenfold for everything I planned to do.

Once sounds of feet plodding down the stairs reached my ears, I sprang into action. The door slammed shut, locks turned, and all lights snapped off.

“Who turned out the lights?” Daisy’s voice betrayed a promising sign of growing fear. “What’s going on?”

“Beats me.”

I whispered a groan. The second voice belonged to Colby instead of Rusty.