Vampire Spin Zone

An original satirical horror poem

Photo by Renato Marques on Unsplash

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One consistent facet of working as a journalist is interacting with PR spokespeople. PR flacks end up being a journalist’s liaison for arranging interviews, obtaining access to live events, and organizing press conferences.

The no. 1 goal of public relations is to control the narrative. PR flacks are tasked with generating positive publicity for their clients. I’ve done freelance PR in the past and it can be a thankless job.

Thinking about public relations inspired my latest poem. What if a vampire or a group of vampires used PR as a tool to churn out pro-vampire propaganda? (Similar to those popular, yet terrible, vampire romances.)

They would probably conquer the whole planet with only token resistance.

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Vampire stories do so much harm. 
Soulless bloodsuckers? 
Agents of death and destruction?
Such tired and abusive clichés.

Did you see our latest press release? 
We are forward thinking.
Reshaping our local communities, 
one individual at a time. 

Combating misinformation
has transformed into a full-time job. 
Hunters and haters swarm us 
like a horde of mindless zombies.

We never prey on the weak or helpless.
Nor do we feed on unwilling victims.
Our people offer a gift of endless life,
and embrace an alternate lifestyle.

Vampire is an offensive term.  
Such labels are insensitive and degrading. 
Photosensitive night person
is the name we prefer to be called. 

Your shiny crosses and holy water 
are cruel instruments of our oppression.
Let us live our truth in peace.
Leave all the so-called vampires alone.  

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If you enjoyed this poem, be sure to check out other poetry from past newsletters. Please share this poem with family, friends, neighbors, local vampires, and visiting closet monsters.

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